This writing is now available as a podcast episode!
So, I’m writing my orgasm book for May, and I’m setting up the concept.
And I’d like to get this solid, since I’d like to be able to refer to this throughout the book.
It’s the idea of sexual energy and how we use it in different ways to achieve orgasm—or not, as the case may be.
Three types of energy focus, seen above.
- Full-Body/Diffused Energy
- Erogenous Zones — Focused Energy
- Genitals — Laser-Focused Energy
With me so far?
Great.
Moving on.
So, let’s imagine sexual pleasure in this way:
Some people are very genital-focused. All of their sexual pleasure is in one relatively small area of their body.
Other people are more sensual. They might get pleasure from any areas of their body, and so it’s spread out across a larger surface area.
And a bunch fall in-between, with the erogenous zones being a big focus of sexual energy for many.
Some people can switch back and forth between these focus types. Some can do so at-will. Others can erratically, or find that their bodies are in control and sort of do whatever.
Which is great. As long as whatever your sexuality is works for you.
Sexual Energy Challenges
When a Full-Body/Diffused Energy person and a Genitals — Laser-Focused Energy person get it on, they are not in sync.
When someone’s Genitals — Laser-Focused Energy causes premature ejaculation or orgasm.
When someone’s Full-Body/Diffused Energy prevents orgasm from happening.
In other words, none of these types are wrong, unless they are causing wrong results for you.
The Mind
The same thing happens with focus in the mind. Diffused focus, or ADD can cause orgasm to elude some people, because their brain just will not calm the fuck down in the situations they are usually trying to orgasm in.
Laser-Focused thoughts can take you to orgasm or sexuality too quickly for your partner’s mind-state, or in inappropriate situations.
And yet, there are times and places for targeted sexual thoughts, and times for much more diffused sexual thinking.
Ok. Still with me?
Great.
Now for the thought process I’m trying to present.
The physical and the mental work together in most people (there are those who don’t have the physical, and yet still orgasm—quadriplegics, for example) to create the integrated whole.
Looking at sexual energy in the mind or body in one of three states, and paying attention to results can allow us to map our personal orgasm profile, then playing with our focus through various techniques can allow us to explore different intensities of orgasm, reduced refractory periods, fewer premature ejaculation/orgasm responses, smaller delayed or retarded orgasm responses, etc.
For example, for some people, they may feel RIGHT NEXT to orgasm, physically. The tension is there, they want it, they need that release, and yet, mentally, their thoughts are all over the place, diffused between the sensation and the fear that it might not happen, the worry of what their partner will think, the stress of knowing if it doesn’t happen, they will be left with no peak, and an unsatisfying resolution…
So, for this person, the issue is not a physical one, and treating it as such would be useless.
NOTE: There ARE medical reasons people cannot orgasm, obviously. I’m not able to address those, except to say that you should ALWAYS get a full health screening if you can to check for obvious things like medication side effects, a pinched disk, and etc.
For this person, though, for this average person without medical issues restricting them, learning some focus techniques could make all the difference.
Or, someone who orgasms just fine.
Once.
And they want to play with more. Maybe a bigger ONE, or multiple orgasms.
They could try diverting their physical sexual energy into other parts of their body.
If they are partnered, while their partner lavishes attention on the hot spot, maybe the individual runs their hands along their sides or plays with their own nipples, drawing some of that sexual tension away from the genitals, so they don’t crest as early, and the sexual energy is allowed to build more than usual.
Or, perhaps they ask their partner to build more slowly, or use their hands to touch other areas of their body (like pulling hair while fucking—that’s a great example of spreading the sensation and dragging the whole body into the mix).
If they are solo, perhaps they move their sensation around the most sensitive area, or have multiple points of pleasure, and play with how their mind/fantasies play a part in their experience.
Your thoughts?
There are a lot of ways this can be used as a model for orgasm troubleshooting and enhancement.
In my mind, anyway.
I know the “science-y” bit works—I’ve already run it by a few MDs and therapy types.
The explanation and your understanding of it matters to me now. This is the Cliff’s Notes version.
Do you understand? More, do you “get” it? Does it make sense, and can you relate or see the potential in applying the ideas to your own thoughts and physical sensations?
I look forward to your responses.
