Honestly, I usually don’t so much care about age. It’s more about energy and compatibility.
I’ve dated younger men that I really enjoyed, and I’ve met older men who I couldn’t stand.
However, I always cringe when that question is one of the first a younger man asks me. Why? Because in my experience, the people who focus on me being older than them have the wrong priorities.
- Many are coming at it from a fetish-y standpoint. It’s like asking:
- Are you into [insert race here]?
- Are you into [insert kink here]?
- Are you into [insert sexual act here]?
None of those questions are things I would ask in a first message or in the initial approach.
Not because I don’t want to know them.
I mean, when I approach someone, I definitely want to know if there is something I am that they are NOT into. However, when I wonder that, what I’m really wondering is “Will they be into me?”
- It asks the wrong question (or a totally useless one).
I (and I’m guessing all of you) am more than my age, or my skin color, or my kinks, or my sexy preferences.
And so, I feel that a focus on just one of those things is too simplistic, too narrow-minded.
I could say, “YES! I’m into younger guys,” but that has nothing to do with whether I might be into you, just because you are younger than I am and a guy.
- It’s lazy.
Saying “Hi, my name is Dirk. Are you into younger guys?” is pretty much the perfect way to showcase that you are one of the younger guys who is not going to make the cut.
Because you can’t even make good conversation.
And you’re not trying.
And FOR ME, whose primary kink is connection and communication, it’s sort of like closing a door that was left naturally cracked open for possibilities to come through.
What do you think?
First, what do you think about age gaps in relationships? Into older? Younger? Neither? Why or why not?
Second, what do you think when someone approaches you asking whether you are “into” a particular thing within their first message to you? Or, do you do that? I’d love to know if that works for you.