Is nonmonogamy good for me?

Is nonmonogamy good for me?


Unless it isn’t.

Of course.

When is it good for you? Well, I’m guessing when you’re doing it for the right reasons, with the right skill sets, which may include:

  • Calendaring
  • Communication
  • Boundary Setting
  • Choosing Partners
  • And more

When these things are in place, and you identify as polyamorous or ethically nonmonogamous, then you might be like the people who participated in the most extensive polyamory survey ever. [LINK ]

The team of researchers asked participants online about their relationships and their partners regarding intimacy, communication, companionship, and attraction to both their primary and secondary (the polyamorous) relationship. They found that not only were the partners of polyamorous people accepting of their secondary relationship, but that the primary relationship was supposedly made better because of polyamory.

Cool. So, it can be good for you.

So, when is nonmonogamy not good for you?

Well, when you’re monogamous. That’s a big one.

That’s not to say that Lehmiller and his colleagues are suggesting polyamory is the cure to the seven-year itch, or that monogamy is an institution that doesn’t work. In fact, Lehmiller says, his research suggests exactly the opposite: That relationships don’t have a single prescription for success, and that the adage that different couples work differently is true. “There are some people who are perfectly content with monogamy and have satisfying, passionate relationships,” Lehmiller says. “Monogamy works for some people. But I’m hesitant to say that there’s one kind of relationship that is more natural than another.”

I think that’s pretty obvious, but apparently, some don’t, so I’m including that.

Also, when you’re “nonmonogamous” for the wrong reasons:

  • To get back at your partner for cheating.
  • Because your current relationship is failing.
  • To look for a new partner to be what your current partner used to be.
  • To keep a partner who has decided they are poly.

Not to say that some of these reasons may not, over time, become the right reasons… Hell, humans are complex creatures, and while some think people don’t change, I find the human capacity for change to constantly surprise and delight me.

So, nonmonogamy is good for you (many of us knew this).

Except for when it’s not (many of us knew this, too).

It’s good we have science for this stuff. smiles

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