Poly Is Not All About NRE (Poly Is Not, Part XIX)

Poly Is Not All About NRE (Poly Is Not, Part XIX)

On the men’s dominance and relationship forums I participate in, one man kept wanting to discuss poly.

The funny thing was that he kept approaching it, then backing off. A lot like this:

To be clear, I’m poking fun, sure, but I get it. New ideas that challenge our existing long-held beliefs are pretty scary and can be difficult to wrap our brains around.

But crab walk kittens needed to be worked into a writing today, somehow.


I was talking about Pet and I and some of the escapades we’ve had together with other people, and he said to me:

“Are you two immune to these seemingly natural inevitabilities? I mean, at some point it just seems someone is going to be a bit smitten with something about one of these other partners, or one of these other partners with either of you.”

To which I replied:


What we have is better than anything else we ever had. Grass-is-greener syndrome is not a factor in what we share.

I get smitten quite a bit. That’s part of my personality. So what? Smitten is smitten. It’s not a year of building something amazing. It’s not getting to know each other deeply. It’s not compatibility. Or steadfastness. Or love.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. We’ve had a few bumps and bruises.

  • There was the time that a new potential beau added a relationship status with me on FetLife (without my consent) that Pet saw first.
  • There was the time that another fling interrupted/co-opted one of our (then) “sacred times,” or weekly date time.
  • There was the time his attention to someone rubbed me the wrong way, because it was sooooo different than his to me.

But overall, our policy of open communication about what we want and need from each other has trumped everything else that’s been thrown in our path.

So far.

I look at it as a matter of knowing what we want.

Who we want to be with.

Who we want to belong to. (Notes on belonging [here][https://fetlife.com/users/50648/posts/3631445], and [here][https://fetlife.com/users/50648/posts/4099744].

Who we want to be with and who we want to play with.

Then, we can enjoy it all.

No matter how kinky we are, not matter who we love, it all boils down to one thing:

Know what you want and show it.

Or, yannow, it’s [just as simple as everything][https://fetlife.com/users/50648/posts/2445393].

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