In a discussion on objectification (specifically of do-me subs asking for objectification right out of the gate with no niceties, no relationship, no real negotiation), someone wrote:
I think it’s way easier to say “treat me like a thing” than it is to say “I want to experience X” because to say the latter you gotta come to terms with accepting you want X and having to admit that to your partner.
I replied:
Yes, it is. And that is part of the problem, in my view. Because “treat me like a thing” is passing every bit of the responsibility off onto others.
I am not willing to take charge of a person who cannot (will not?) express their desires, in an adult way, and show me that they can consent, not only because they say the words, but as in the full definition of consent, they UNDERSTAND what they are asking for/consenting to.
And that means, after, they cannot lie to themselves and say “The big bad dom/me” did this to me!
To me, this is part of adulting in a relationship.
In other words, “Say it! Say it!”
Say what you want, need, fear…
To carry this idea a bit further, here are things I have no interest in doing, and the things I love to do, separated by what I consider adult consent values:
Forced Bi
Oh good lord. I hear this damn near ten times a day. No. Just no. the idea of forcing someone to go against their actual sexual orientation is repulsive to me.
That said, once we have the boundaries of what is desired—for example, male/male oral, giving—I certainly don’t mind being a bit rough and wrestling to force a cock into a boy’s mouth.
The first is about them giving up that responsibility of their sexuality to me. The second is about them taking full responsibility for their desires and me making it more fun and “scene-y” for them.
Degradation
Yeah, not my thing. Not going to do this with a stranger.
Humiliaition, after negotiation, and feeling each other out, discussing boundaries and triggers and possible pitfalls and such, can be hot.
The first is too close to real life. I would NEVER take a chance of someone actually believing I meant what I said during a degradation scene, because they don’t know me well enough to know where the lines are.
The second is a controlled mind fuck that can be used in so many lovely ways… that I am still exploring (sometimes a bit too slowly for Pet, LOL!).
I searched for a third example… I’m sure I have one, my brain has decided it’s done working on this particular topic, apparently. LOL!
In short, consent from the bottom, to me, means:
- You “Say it! Say it!”
- You fully understand what “it” is, and make that clear.
- You take responsibility for yourself and calling things off the MOMENT they go too far.
What are your experiences with these types of attempts to shirk consent/responsibility, if any?
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(To be clear, I am NOT knocking CNC or consensual non-consent dynamics. They are consensually negotiated, and the parameters are understood by both parties. They are also not for me, personally.)
