I’m going to say nature, nurture, or both.
Let’s face it, just like fingerprints, pudendal nerve maps are totally unique.
That means that a lot of us will have Y number of nerve endings in our goody bits and surrounding areas, some of us will have Y minus X number, and some of us will have Y plus X number.
More nerve endings could potentially mean more pleasure and so on.
On another hand, some people develop physical issues like vaginismus that affect their ability to experience normal sexual pleasure.
Some people are lucky, and have had only positive sexual experiences, which have brought them pleasure, along with the ability to explore that pleasure and grow it.
Other people have had only negative experiences which have traumatized them and stunted their sexual growth.
Both nature and nurture.
More often, I’d say that a combination of factors work together to create our pleasure profiles.
Someone may be born with a predisposition to pleasure, but given nothing but negative experiences. They might have a hard time reaching orgasm, even though the potential is there.
Where someone else might be relatively “normal” when it comes to their potential to experience pleasure, and are blessed with amazing partners and a curiosity and ability to try many different sexual options, and so far surpass what is considered normal or even possible, simply because they have been able to put in the practice.
The ability to orgasm (or to orgasm a lot) is not a value judgement.
It just is.
And since we can’t know what potential we are born with, if we want to experience more, it’s up to us to try new things, practice our exercises, and see where we can go and what we can feel.
Orgasms – The 8-Minute Mile of Sex
A friend of mine once wrote about how difficult orgasms are for them to achieve, and how they had discovered kink and found all these different replacement activities that they liked instead of, and when they did “get off,” it was by themselves, and that kinda sucked, but what sucked more was people making a big deal about it, as if they needed to be fixed.
It was an amazing writing, and it struck a chord with many. It did with me, but in a different way.
You see, I have the opposite problem in some ways. I can orgasm easily and effectively in many situations (some a bit embarrassing), and have extensively studied orgasms and how they happen, why they happen, and the many possibilities (and I’m sharing some of that with you, here!).
I know about these things, and I love to discuss them.
Often in public forums and sites.
And I sometimes make people hurt or feel inadequate as a result of sharing what’s possible, or my personal experiences. And that makes me sad.
In fact, I lost a budding friendship over it, and didn’t even realize it until months later.
By posting about the many types of orgasm possible, and how to train it, and mentioning that I have it, I made a new potential friend feel bad about themself and their own orgasms, so they withdrew from my life.
And that really, really sucks.
You see, I know a lot about a few things, and sex and orgasm is one of those things I’ve been fascinated with since I was young. So, I read about it, study it, practice it, and generally glut myself on it. And I’m a bit of a zealot, I know.
I LOVE people to know about sex and how their bodies work and the possibilities.
I HATE that anyone feels inadequate if their unique, amazing body does not do everything that another’s does.
I LOVE when people learn to get pleasure from their bodies and their lives in whatever way they do…
I HATE when I am somehow the catalyst for self-loathing.
You see, I see things like multiple orgasms, nipple orgasms, anal orgasms, think offs, and etc., as physical possibilities for most people.
In the way that running an 8-minute mile is a physical possibility for most people. It’s not something I can do. I also can’t pole dance, do pull-ups, or fit into size 6 jeans.
Those things are physically possible for me, but I can’t do them now.
And I don’t feel particularly bad about it, except when I’m PMSing, LOL!
And I know that I could very likely train my body to do those things, to work in new ways, to function like an athlete, a dancer, or a skinny girl. IF—BIG IF—that was a priority for me. And, I could also find out that it is physically impossible to run an 8-minute mile, because I am unique, physically.
But, I’ve not trained for weeks or months or years on these things like I have on orgasms (I was not always multi-orgasmic) and understanding my own sexual pleasure.
I write about these things for me and for you.
They fascinate me, and I love letting people who CAN orgasm from a nipple, or cum from a bite, or a word know that THEY are not broken, either.
You, though… you are amazing just the way you are.
If you want to be different, or learn more about orgasm, great!
I’ve written a book for that, “Next Stop: O-Town, A roadmap to your orgasm and sexual release.”
But don’t think that I think less of you because you are wired differently than I am. I don’t. If anything, I want you to fulfill whatever potential YOU WANT TO FULFILL.
What are your thoughts?
Are you satisfied with your orgasmic capability? Have you been frustrated by your ability or lack thereof?
Have you ever been shamed for it? Have you ever trained to increase your orgasmic pleasure? What (if anything) has worked for you?