Training Your Lover, A Parody

I found this article online, and it inspired me to create a parody.

Just because this is a parody, though, does not mean you should take this lightly. I trained dogs for 22 years, and one of my favorite kinks is behavior modification in people.

They are remarkably similar pursuits.

Original article by Guy Berg: http://ezinearticles.com/?id=1580970

Training Your Lover – 10 Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Whether this is your first lover or you’ve had lovers before there are a number of common pitfalls that people who train their own lovers tend to fall into.

That’s not to say that you shouldn’t train your own lover.

Not only will you develop a better understanding of your lover (and his understanding of you and your needs), you’ll develop a deep bond with your lover, cementing your position as within the family ‘hierarchy’. And, as harsh as it may seem, training is fun for both you and your lover!

I’ll present here the 10 most common mistakes as made by amateur lover trainers. I hope by giving you some forewarning you’ll be able to avoid some of the heartbreak that occurs with a poorly trained lover. No one wants to give up their lover, not when hopes were so high at the beginning when you first brought your lover home.

Do you already have a rambunctious and poorly trained lover? Don’t give up hope!

By identifying the training mistakes that you are making, you can save your lover from the pound (or worse!) by simply correcting your errors and re-training. Remember there’s no such thing as a bad lover, just a bad trainer!

Lover Training Mistake 1: Expecting Too Much from Your Lover, Too Soon

This goes especially for those with new boyfriends or older rescued lovers. New boyfriends may have little to know experience in how to behave, and frankly, it won’t come overnight. Older rescued lovers will have more experience, but unfortunately, someone else may have trained in some bad habits that you need to correct. Again, this will not be an instantaneous process.

At all times, remain in control of yourself within your role. As soon as you loose the serenity of your position and start becoming frustrated, it’s time to take a break from the training and have some fun! Cuddle, kiss and watch a movie together, but save the training for another time, when your equilibrium has been restored.

I’ve seen too many people get a new lover and expect him to understand all the basic obedience requirements after a couple of hours! This will never happen.

Remember to enjoy the training process. Your lover will settle in and as wonderful as it will be to live with a well-behaved lover, you will miss the early days of excitement, never knowing quite what he is going to do next.

Note:

You can actually train in proper surprises and spontaneity, but that is an advanced technique to be explored in another article.

Lover Training Mistake 2: Giving Up Too Easily

Ask yourself, how old is your lover? It took him that many years to get to this point. Many people don’t understand that lovers won’t be trained overnight and tend to give up when the lover doesn’t instantly get ‘it’, or worse, trainers make the mistake of getting angry, lashing out, or wanting to “discuss the relationship” from a place of negativity.

Persevere, keep calm and happy, and things will work out in the end.

Some lovers, just like children, require more time to learn. Some lovers are much better at certain things than others. Above all, be patient and don’t give up when things don’t seem to be going right.

All that hard work will pay off in the end!

Lover Training Mistake 3: Hitting or Punishing Your Lover

This is a very difficult subject. Most trainers will say never hit your lover and I tend to agree. There is a caveat. Some lovers do prefer rough play, including spanking, whipping and caning.

Note:

Again, this is a subject for a more advanced article, but this I will say: Even lovers who like it rough should never be handled roughly in anger, and communication is critical. Consult an expert before taking steps in this direction.

I take my cue from a lover’s behavior in the wild. In most social situations when an unattached male is out of line, it will be swiftly dealt with.

These dressing downs are almost always about a show of force and don’t involve any actual violence. Remember your lover is happiest when he knows his place in the home. Uncertainty leads to unhappiness.

A sharp word or a disappointed look (not a punch or a pinch) is often more than enough to let them know your feelings. This emulates the tools that a mother uses to scold her children. Never, never hit your lover in anger, fear is not a training tool. Lead by being a trustworthy partner through your relationship.

Lover Training Mistake 4: Inconsistency

Being a trustworthy partner is key and that leads me naturally to discuss mistake number 4. There is no point in being in any partnership with a lover without consistency. It is common for people to treat their lovers as if they shared our own thoughts and view of the world. Nothing could be further from the truth!

Do not attribute your own emotions and feelings to your beloved. A lover may not be able to tell the difference between being allowed to paw your goody bits at home and out in public, unless you train that difference.

A lover often doesn’t understand the arbitrary rules that we like to set. It’s ok to call me pet names, but not in front of strangers/my mother. It’s ok not to always ask before a good toe-curling romp. A lover needs consistency, they crave that certainty that makes them feel safe with you.

Lover Training Mistake 5: Lack of Research

Training a lover is not something that comes naturally to most people. It’s not something we just know how to do. If you intend on training your own lover you should undertake some research beforehand.

Understand the various training methods and psychological theories out there. Understand the various sweetie characteristics.

Note:

A playmate lover, a date lover, and a long-term mate lover all have different needs in training. Be sure you know how to recognize each breed, and understand when a particularly active playmate may not fit into your life, or that what worked with a dater and a long-term lover may not be the same.

Make informed decisions about the rules you will set and make sure you both understand them and that you enforce them correctly. A word of caution: when rules are discussed, I would stay away from threats or ultimatums. Remember, remain calm and consistent.

Lover Training Mistake 6: Too Much Research

At the other end of the scale it’s certainly possible to do too much research. You often find new trainers jumping from one training style to another too quickly without giving any of them a chance to work. Mixing training methods often leads to inconsistency. Remember that simpler is often better, and don’t over-think things.

Remaining true to yourself will make consistency much easier over the course of your lover’s life.

Lover Training Mistake 7: Lack of Feedback

Lovers naturally crave strong feedback. Most common issues stem from the lack of feedback from you and the lover trying to get that feedback by becoming more annoying. As easy as it is to see your lover as similar to you and treat them as you would want to be treated, your lover will be happier when you treat him as the person he really is. They want and need to be praise and are happiest when they don’t have to worry about whether your lack of praise is something much deeper than it is!

Note:

Different lovers will want different types of feedback. For some, a simple “Good boy!” will do. For others, constant and lavish worship of their physical nature is required. Yet others prefer simple and sublime obedience. Learn your own lover’s needs and provide the feedback necessary to keep him happy. Which takes us to the next mistake…

Lover Training Mistake 8: Lack of Understanding

By his I mean that lovers, like dogs, are all very different but they do have certain characteristics that if we ignore can cause many issues later on.

Work with your lover type. If it’s a thinking lover such a as an intellectual, then make sure you provide enough mental stimulation to avoid boredom. Remember that some lover types are more difficult to train than others and this should figure in your research and decision when choosing your lover in the first place. Research potential lover types to suit your lifestyle and training ability. If you pick a lover type that is going to be a challenge to train, be prepared for hard work and maybe even professional counseling sessions, and your efforts may still prove unsuccessful.

Don’t try to fit a one-night lover into the lifetime lover home. It will cause both of you much pain and frustration.

Lover Training Mistake 9: Wrong Frame of Mind

Remember that lovers are very perceptive to your moods (no matter how dense they seem to be sometimes), and as such you should always start your training when you feel happy and calm and stop the training if you start feeling negative or frustrated. Never continue training when you are frustrated and start getting angry with your lover. You’ll be doing more harm than good and you’ll just need to work harder next time to undo the damage. So, do both of you a favor and call it a day, watch TV or go for a walk!

Lover Training Mistake 10: Not Having Enough Fun!

This is the number one, most important mistake people make! Make sure your training sessions are fun for both you and your lover. Switch it up a bit and change the training location, alternate requirements, use different props such as fine dining, lingerie and toys. Make sure you keep your lover entertained and you’ll see a vast improvement in the speed that new requirements are learned.

Note:

Remember, fun is the reason we choose a lover in the first place. Unfortunately, this is often the easiest mistake to make, and the most difficult to correct. It is a real challenge to bring fun back to training sessions once it has been lost. DON’T make this mistake.

Well, I hope that these few tips will set you on a path of lifelong enjoyment of your lover. Or, if you are merely fostering your lover for a while, I hope these suggestions will make the interlude a pleasant one.

Thank you for reading, and happy training!