“So, You Wanna Try Some Butt Stuff?”

Talking to your partner about anal can be challenging, especially if you’re not super-comfortable communicating about sex in general.

How Do I Convince My Partner To Try Anal With Me?

OK, so I’ll state for the record that when I say convince, I mean it just as I say it. That is, I mean persuade someone to your way of thinking.

I do not mean badger them, annoy them, goad them, pester them, harass them or force them.

PERIOD.

Anal sex should be positive and pleasurable, just like any other kind of sex. No one should ever feel obligated or forced into it. Ever.

So, you want to convince your partner to try ass play (giving or receiving) without thinking that you are a freak, weird, slutty, gay, twisted…

Well, truth be told, there is only so much you can do. Some partners are game to try anything once (or a hundred times), and some prefer their quiet little universe of “known and acceptable sex acts.”

In other words, you may never get what you want. You may also wish you’d never asked, if you convince them and they like it more than you do. But, I say you run the same risks with introducing your partner to anything: football, reality TV, Mexican food, your other partners…

(Kidding! Just making a silly point, especially since most of the poly people I know LOVE meeting other partners.)

In any case, you’re going to have to…you guessed it!

Communicate

There are three types of partners, when it comes to anal:

• Those with no anal experience.
• Those with negative anal experience.
• Those with positive anal experience.

Of course, if your partner has had mostly positive anal experiences (giving or receiving), they are more likely to be open to your suggestion.

Or your partner may have been a Giver, and not have any experience with receiving, or vice versa.

Generally, though, a positive experience gives you a leg up (or maybe both legs up! LOL! I crack myself up!). It’s easier to understand someone wanting to experience something that you find pleasurable as well.

Those with no anal experience could be easy to convince (“Hey! Let’s try this!” “OK.”), or may have resisted for a long time and you are just one more in a long succession of lovers trying to talk them into something they just have no interest in.

If your partner has had a negative experience, that will usually make the convincing more difficult, because of natural resistance to avoid something unpleasant.

However, if, like me, they are still curious, it may actually be easier to convince them to try a second (third, fourth, or hundredth) time.

Regardless of the experience (or lack thereof) of your partner, you will want to be respectful of their thoughts and feelings.

Let me say that again:

Regardless of the experience (or lack thereof) of your partner, you will want to be respectful of their thoughts and feelings.

That may seem a bit obvious, but let me explain.

If you’ve wanted to try anal for quite some time, you may have spent weeks, months, maybe years fantasizing about it.

You may have read books, watched porn, searched online for information, and you may be ready and rarin’ to go.

Your partner is probably nowhere near that level of excitement and, if you come on that strong, might get the point that you want anal play but could also feel threatened by all of the information and ideas you have.

Or feel like it’s about the fetish of anal play itself and not about anal play with YOUR PARTNER, specifically.

As a woman dominant on kink sites, I am constantly approached by men who see me as some sort of fetish delivery system. Instead of getting to know and respect me as an individual, they see me as someone who may provide the sexy fantasies they have in their mind.

While nothing may be farther from the truth, you will want to be careful, so you do not accidentally give that impression.

Since you already have this book, you may want to use it as a discussion-starter. Bring up a few points that particularly excite you, and discuss them.

To reduce the pressure that something new like this can bring, try having your discussions about your anal interests when you are not in bed, but are sharing some intimate time together.

Over dinner, while rubbing their feet, while your feet are getting rubbed, or on a car ride.

Start asking first about anal play. Fingers, tongue, small toys, perhaps a small vibe. While you may suggest anal intercourse or pegging at this point, realize that many people are terrified (and rightly so) of a sudden push into the nethers without a proper preparation. Even worse if they’ve actually experienced it before with painful results.

Reassure your partner that you love and respect them no matter what their answer. And that you still find them attractive. That is a biggie. That you’re not looking to spice up your sex life out of plain boredom with them.

Also, offer to help with cleaning and providing the toys and supplies as needed to make your partner feel comfortable.

Important note:

You are asking for something that may be a bit out-of-the-box for your partner and can be both energy and time-intensive. If you are asking for all this, it might be a good idea to stop and ask yourself what you are giving.

If you are not the kind of partner always trying to give as good as you get (or better—that’s the ideal), you may want to become that person before asking for anal like this.

Tips On Convincing The Giver

Trade

If your partner is not yet convinced, offer a trade. They play with your ass to help you fulfill your fantasy in exchange for a night of you doing as they request to fulfill their own fantasy (within reason).

Begin At The Beginning

Do not start off requesting anal intercourse or pegging (especially if you feel your partner might be resistant). Instead, try buying a fun toy, like a plug, together, and wearing it for your partner.

Perhaps you can wear a plug during your work day, and send naughty text messages to your partner saying that you’re thinking about them.

Or, wear a plug during regular sex and mention how good it feels.

Be sure to make it clear how much of a turn-on it is, and reinforce the message with some amazing romance and giving in the sack to follow.

Tips On Convincing The Receiver

Trade

If your partner is not yet convinced, offer a trade. You get to play with their ass (all safewords and requests to stop will be in full force) in exchange for a night of them playing with you as they see fit (within reason).

Comfort Level

Promise to allow your partner to set the level of reception they feel comfortable with for the night and DO NOT go past that level. Of course, if they are not ready to go that far and say so, stop prior to that level.

Follow up the evening with sweet, reinforcing words about how hot it was for you, how sexy.

Shop!

Shop for toys with your partner. Let them pick out what they think might feel good.

Talk It Out

Talk with your partner about things you’ve read in this book about pleasure, and discuss what your partner’s fears and concerns are. Sometimes just talking them out (even without resolving them) is enough.

Share

Read some anal play erotica with your partner to get them excited.

Take It Slow

If you are allowed basic play, take it slow. There is no need to go from 0-60 in one night. Or even in one week, unless your partner is a racing fiend, too.

Consider light anal play and penetration (even just your fingertip) during oral pleasuring and orgasm. This will help link the pleasure of orgasm to anal play.

Fantasies

Use fantasies to help your partner get used to the idea of anal play.

Let’s Discuss!

HAve you ever felt pressured to do butt stuff? Have you ever pressured someone else? DO any of these ideas sound encouraging?