Dirty Talk: Fantasies, Fears, Expectations & Needs

To make the most of your anal play and dirty talk, discuss your fantasies with your partner.

Not just the actions, although those are important, but also the feelings you hope to get from your anal play.

For example, if your partner wants to explore the primal aspects of anal play, that will influence your talk and behavior differently than if your partner is wanting to highlight the intimacy and romance of sharing this new kind of lovemaking with you.

Let’s go over a few fantasies:

• “Mmmm. I’d just love to take your ass in front of [insert friend’s name], and showing them exactly what a sweet little slut you are for me.”
• For those with a vagina, consider filling both the ass and the pussy, and using the DP fantasy: “How does that feel, to have both of your greedy holes fucked hard? Can you imagine what it’s going to be like to feel both dicks erupt deep inside you?”
• In the woods, play a rousing game of chase and capture, then play a bit rough and place a hand over your receiver’s mouth, “Shut up and take it. You know you want it.”
• “Mmmm. Fuck. You’re so big and thick. I’ve never done this before. Could you please be gentle with me? I really want that “a,” but I’m so afraid it will hurt, Professor _.”
• “I love knowing that you own my ass, and you’ll take it, by force, if necessary. That I’m of sexual use and pleasure to you, whenever and however you wish.” (Of course, “by force” in this case means previously discussed consensual non-consent scenes.)

There is no scenario that you cannot playact in fantasy, and then subsequently bring alive with your imaginations during dirty talk.

You can bring in “extra” people. You can be on display. In public. You can be older. Younger. A prostitute. A virgin. A police officer or suspect. An enraged Amazon goddess. A different gender (see the next section).

Nothing is off-limits for fantasy, except what the two of you agree on.

See where your thoughts can take you.

Fear

There are still very real subconscious fears that can tense us up when it comes down to the moment of truth, and they can not only affect dirty talk in negative ways, they can make dirty talk even hotter through the use of fear and taboo.

Let’s look at a few:

Messes. When we’re inexperienced, the thought that our poop might end up on somebody’s fingers, dick, toys, or (heaven forbid!) tongue is horrifying. Or that we might have to leap out of bed to run to the bathroom…mortification central. Not to mention, it would totally kill the mood.

“You dirty slut…” could be a way to play with that fear.

Hemorrhoids. Yes, it’s safe to play with anal if you have hemorrhoids. No, anal sex does not cause hemorrhoids. Yes, it still kind of scares us, since we’ve heard it for years. Plus, simply having hemorrhoids can feel embarrassing and less-than-perfect.

“I see you’ve been playing with your ass again, your piles are flaring up. Well, it looks like I’ll have to give you what you want so badly…” could make this fear feel accepted and hot.

Pain. THIS is what often keeps newbies up at night. The pain. Taking a big poop is bad enough, but to go up there in the other direction?

“Ah. What a little slut for this pain you are. You know it’s going to hurt to have my fat dick deep inside you, and yet your ass is inviting me in. Here it comes…” will not only make the “pain” a part of your sexy play, but the talking will take their mind off lingering fears and increase their arousal to help them relax.

Powerlessness. There is, to many, an inherent power dynamic in butt play. The receiver can feel very vulnerable.

“I own this ass, and I’m going to use it as I wish…”

After reading The Big Book of Ass and going through these lessons, hopefully we all know, intellectually, that these fears are not grounded in reality.

However, that does not make them less real to those who experience them, so be prepared to be extra loving/attentive/affectionate/available before, during, and after your anal play dirty talk sessions, until you are both completely comfortable with your play.

And be sure to talk over these potential fears with your partner, with an open heart and mind.

Expectations & Needs

As we’ve discussed, expectations of anal can run the gamut from fears to porn-like ease.

Needs can be varied as well. Do you want anal because of the physical sensation? The intimacy? The power dynamic? A combination of these and more?

Often, expectations and needs are tied very closely together.

If your partner’s expectations are set, for example, by BDSM porn of FemDoms using and humiliating male slaves, then the needs and desires of wanting anal are probably related to the feelings that your partner attaches to those scenes.

However, if your interest in anal was sparked by an amazing love scene in a book of lesbian erotica, then your expectations, and the needs that drive them will be very different.

Thus, even two people who are crazy-ready to explore anal and dirty talking together, may be going into it for different reasons, and end up with wildly varied results.

It’s important to discuss what you expect, what you hope to get, and what you need from your anal and your dirty talk for your play to be successful for you both.