Not too long ago, someone on FetLife attempted to convince me that speaking up about nonconsensual dick pics, including using them as avatars on fetish site was kink-shaming.

I’m going to share that conversation with you, and I’d love your thoughts.

TheDickPicProtagonist said:

Yes I am claiming that exhibitionism is a kink also for males.

I replied:

If someone is an exhibitionist, believe me, I’m all over that. I’m a voyeur.

However, doing that in such a way that people HAVE to see what they are showing off, versus CHOOSING to see what they have on offer are two different things.

And if your kink IS the non-consent part (HAVE to see, versus choose to see), then yes, I’m going to kink-shame.

Because no matter what, consent matters.

TheDickPicProtagonist said:

I don’t need any study to back up that many people are exhibitionist including males and if people feel offended by it on a kink website well… it is their right but barring men from it is holding double standards and it is hypocritical.

I replied:

Where are the double-standards?

I think you are missing the point. Women don’t complain about pussy avatars because they don’t get nearly the same volume sent to us without consent.

That would be like me complaining about all the snow in Raleigh, NC (where we get it maybe 1-2x per year), versus complaining about acorns, of which there are millions.

I can’t remember the last time I saw a pussy avatar in my inbox, and I get HUNDREDS of messages a week.

I just looked through my current messages, and counted to 10 dick pic avatars.

There was ONE pussy avatar, and it was a man’s and he was licking it.

There was also one bent-over spread-wide butthole, also a man.

For it to be hypocritical for women to complain about dick pic avatars, you would have to show that the women who complain about dick pic avatars have stood up for or stated that they enjoy boob and pussy avatars AND that it is not simply based on the sexual preference.

It’s also not double standards for men to enjoy unsolicited pussy pics and women to not want unsolicited dick pics.

Your logic is not working.

TheDickPicProtagonist said:

Now this is a very strange statement in an explicit website about kink and sex when you are literally exposed to explicit pictures because it is a sex based website.

I replied:

Actually, it’s a kink-based website. Which includes sex. And allows it.

However, I not talking about what’s allowed.

I’m talking about what works.

You are essentially talking about what you want to do, and what you can get away with.

I’m talking about consent and what works.

You’re saying that you have a right and there are double standards and all of that bullshit has literally zero to do with whether using a dick picture as your avatar (the topic you brought up) or sending an unsolicited dick pic is going to leave a positive impression on women (specifically, since that’s what the study was talking about).

And the answer is a more than 50/50 chance of NO.

Whereas NOT sending an unsolicited dick picture and NOT using a dick as an avatar is not going to have the chance of offending in that way, so you’ve just removed a potential barrier to connection.

It’s not about what you can get away with.

I don’t really care one way or another.

I generally disqualify people who send unsolicited dick pics or who think that their cock is the best way to represent themselves at the time they hit on me, but I don’t really care, and once in a while, I even admire a good photos.

I’m telling you WHAT WORKS.

1. Sending unsolicited dick pics is the worst (in the currently discussed cases).
2. Using a dick pic as your avatar is a runner-up.
3. Having an overhwelmingly large number of photos of your johnson in your profile is next.
4. Having dick pics in your profile—this will ALWAYS offend some.
5. Having no dick pics may actually be negative the other way for some other women—because if they choose to go looking in your profile (they have made a CHOICE), they might be hoping to get a peek at what they will be working with.

I don’t really care what you do here.

You’re arguing with me like I do.

I’m telling you what works and what doesn’t.

If you choose to ignore that, or rail against it, because you believe people should see your junk, that’s your right. And you get to enjoy the consequences. It’s that simple.

I’m telling you very simply WHAT WORKS overwhelmingly: consent.

Do with that what you will.

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What are YOUR thoughts? And if you’re willing to share your thoughts and your gender (in case you think that might be relevant), that’s 100% welcome. Thoughts alone are cool, too.

smiles