A Bit About Gender, Pronouns & Language

I’ll state right up front that this book is not for everyone.

However, if you’re interested in kink and learning more about what is kinky, what isn’t kinky (Hint: it’s a personal thing), and how the kinky happens in real life for real people, you’ll find most of what I have say relatively tame compared to what you’ll see out there if and when you do jump in.

I like to drop an F-bomb or two, and I speak frankly. I don’t intentionally go for shock value, because when people are shocked, they don’t learn as well, and my main goal is to educate.

That said, there are a few things you need to know as you read on.

On Gender & Pronouns

A kinky person can be any gender.

In this book, I’m talking to you. I don’t know your gender, and I don’t assume it. You are just “you” to me.

I always do my best to be cognizant of gender-sensitive topics. I will speak from my experience and from my research.

For example, when I say, “woman,” I mean cis- or trans-women, or any people who identify as a woman primarily or for at least 50% of their daily life.

When I say, “man,” I mean cis- or trans-men, or any people who identify as a man primarily or for at least 50 percent of their daily life.

When I don’t need to specify gender, I will like use they/them pronouns, because most things I’ll be writing about can apply to kinksters of any gender.

I believe in the range of gender, and I will attempt to address all of my books to speak to all, as inclusively as possible. Take from them what works for you, and leave the rest behind.

On Capitalization And Grammar

Oh, And Capitalization.

On BDSM chat boards and websites, many people make a big deal about capitalizing (or not capitalizing) titles.

For example, Master would be capped, while slave is not.

Dominant or Domme is capped while submissive is not.

Some slaves and submissives go so far as to always use lower-case “i” when referring to themselves, or not using the “I” pronoun at all, but avoiding it by referring to themselves in the third person.

Instead of “I would like to point out,” this might be stated as, “he would like to point out,” or “this boy would like to point out,” neither of which will be in use in this book, or any other I write, except as examples.

I think this practice in anyplace outside those established areas is odd at best and confusing at worst. Since I’m attempting to communicate with you and impart information, I simply won’t be doing that. I mean no disrespect to you or your choices—I’m simply exercising my choice to communicate as clearly as possible with the wide range of people who might read this book.

I (mostly) write English correctly, and that means capitalizing “I” in sentences, capitalizing the first letter, and NOT capitalizing other words in that sentence, just because they are referring to a dominant. Master, dominant and domme are not proper names.

I will capitalize BDSM, D/s and M/s, because they are (in my view) established concepts that have formed with the capitalization as part of the written expression.

Like LOL! For me, it’s just not the same written as lol or Lol. If I’m laughing out loud. It’s in caps.

I’m quirky. I know this about myself. *smiles*

Let’s Discuss!

Do you have any questions about gender that might change how you interact in this class?

How do you identify? Have you ever felt like identifying in another way?

As I noted in the lesson: I believe in the range of gender, and I will attempt to address this to speak to all, as inclusively as possible. Take from it what works for you, and leave the rest behind.

Don’t be a jerk to those who believe differently than you. You MAY, though, ask questions, if you have them.