You’ve probably heard this before: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

I know, I know, it’s a cliché.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

You may be thinking… umm okay, sure — but everyone else seems to have it so much more together than I do, or seem so much more sure of themselves.

They may be.

Because here’s the thing: If you spend ayour time and energy trying to imitate others or check the boxes of expectations, you may wind up overlooking your greatest strengths.

No one else is you!

No one else has the same exact perspective or the same exact knowledge or approach to a situation. And that’s valuable. You have something that is authentically yours to bring with you to every relationship. Every kink.

In every aspect of your life, really.

Sure, fully and truly being yourself can be hard, when there is a risk of being rejected.

And it’s so easy to play the comparison game.

But truly embracing who you are is the only way to live a happy, fulfilled life. You literally cannot be accepted for who you are, if you do’t let people see you.

I’m sharing 3 things that make me who I am that used to be hard for me to embrace (but now realize they make me, me):

• I’m diagnosed ASPD. Were I to get diagnosed today, I might be labeled as EDD or something else. It shapes how I think and move in the world, and made me aloof and strange as a young woman. It is also a strength for me now, because as a writer, I have a unique perspective on many of the behaviors and ideas most people (especially neurotypicals) take for granted.
• I’m an ambivert. I’m neither an extrovert nor am I an introvert. I’m in the middle, and the need for people or to be alone can strike at very different times and without warning. This means that sometimes I need to bow out of plans, or I HAVE to get out of the house (even if I had agreed to be in) and be around people. I’ve learned my patterns, though, and it’s given me a kind of personal freedom to communicate my needs effectively with the people around me, and to realize that I don’t HAVE to be a part of everything going on.
• I am a “processer.” When presented with new information, it can take me a while to think it through and understand it from the perspective that is me. And I do a lot of thinking as a result. This can make me slow to move forward, sometimes, but I feel like it also gives me a strength in my approach. In kink, specifically, this means that when I’m trying something new out, I always look for the “Nookie” in that kink, to embody it as fully mine.

How about you?

Are you willing to share three things that set you apart in kink, in relationships—heck, in life overall?