Poly, to me, is not about having everything for nothing. There is a lot of work and attention that goes into poly relationships.
To me, it is a mindset. It is a way of viewing the world that does not fit into the traditional monogamous lifestyle. There are so many ways to do poly for people:
And don’t think I don’t know what monogamy is like. I spent nearly 22 years of my life being functionally monogamous. I have never cheated on anyone. Not even with a kiss.
However, I’ve realized that’s not the best fit for me.
Poly, to me, is several things:
- It is the opening up of my heart to include anyone in my life. Anyone has the potential to become more than a friend, but it’s never a requirement.
- It is a freedom. While I am poly, so are most of my partners (not my main Pet, he is a cuckold, so he is sexually monogamous to me, unless I arrange something—this is OUR choice on his suggestion), and I know they have as many options as I do. I choose to make my relationships with them as wonderful as they can be, and know they are choosing to spend time with me because they want to, not because I’ve roped them into some one-person commitment where they have to lose me to explore other options.
- It is complex and fun. There are so many different people out there, and having relationships with them is challenging. Some become friends that I occasionally play with . Some become more than that. Some are non-sexual life companions. Poly allows them to be naturally whatever they fit as into my life.
- Different relationships have different agreements, expectations set, and dynamics for me.
Here’s the thing, though: Whatever poly means to me is not necessarily what it will mean to you.
And just because it works for me does not mean you’ll ever see it as anything more than greed, if you are monogamy-minded.
And that’s OK.
For more ideas about what poly can mean/be to different people, see this awesome explanation:
What does your poly look like? If you’re not poly, do you believe that monogamy also comes in different flavors?