Is nonmonogamy good for me?

Is nonmonogamy good for me?

Yes.

Unless it isn’t.

Of course.

When is it good for you? Well, I’m guessing when you’re doing it for the right reasons, with the right skill sets, which may include:

  • Calendaring
  • Communication
  • Boundary Setting
  • Choosing Partners
  • And more

When these things are in place, and you identify as polyamorous or ethically nonmonogamous, then you might be like the people who participated in the most extensive polyamory survey ever. [LINK https://www.inverse.com/article/33981-polyamory-swingers-survey-better-sex-commitment-relationship ]

The team of researchers asked participants online about their relationships and their partners regarding intimacy, communication, companionship, and attraction to both their primary and secondary (the polyamorous) relationship. They found that not only were the partners of polyamorous people accepting of their secondary relationship, but that the primary relationship was supposedly made better because of polyamory.

Cool. So, it can be good for you.

So, when is nonmonogamy not good for you?

Well, when you’re monogamous. That’s a big one.

That’s not to say that Lehmiller and his colleagues are suggesting polyamory is the cure to the seven-year itch, or that monogamy is an institution that doesn’t work. In fact, Lehmiller says, his research suggests exactly the opposite: That relationships don’t have a single prescription for success, and that the adage that different couples work differently is true. “There are some people who are perfectly content with monogamy and have satisfying, passionate relationships,” Lehmiller says. “Monogamy works for some people. But I’m hesitant to say that there’s one kind of relationship that is more natural than another.”

I think that’s pretty obvious, but apparently, some don’t, so I’m including that.

Also, when you’re “nonmonogamous” for the wrong reasons:

  • To get back at your partner for cheating.
  • Because your current relationship is failing.
  • To look for a new partner to be what your current partner used to be.
  • To keep a partner who has decided they are poly.

Not to say that some of these reasons may not, over time, become the right reasons… Hell, humans are complex creatures, and while some think people don’t change, I find the human capacity for change to constantly surprise and delight me.

So, nonmonogamy is good for you (many of us knew this).

Except for when it’s not (many of us knew this, too).

It’s good we have science for this stuff. smiles

More Posts

otown

Next Stop: OTown May 2020 • Click here for a 50-page sample or login to access your PLUS Member content. Nookie Notes is a lifestyle

Are you a bully?

Most of us are. Even when we don’t mean to be. And I’m not saying that most of us are mean to others (although that

The AAR: After Action Report

A lot is talked about in kink circles regarding negotiations. As it should be. And some talk also note that after care is important too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Black & White

A quote from a forum I participate in for men: “If a man rejects Nice Guy-itis, yet has no other option to turn to than

Read More »
“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” — Nelson Mandela

Settling is Shitty

I got into a conversation on twitter yesterday about online and offline dating and how many people write their profile one way but want something

Read More »
X