On March 17, 2022, Sumati Sparked presented the topic “Four Pillars of Jealousy Transformation” for Dating Kinky’s Nonmonogamunch. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky’s PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!).
Here is a clip from that hour-long show, where Sumati speaks about transforming Jealousy into erotic energy.
I’ve met many people—and I’ve actually done this once myself—who can transform jealousy into erotic energy.
They think about, “Well, if I’m feeling jealous, I must really love this person, and they must mean a lot to me,” and kind of nurture that feeling and really turn it into erotic energy.
I’m kind of like a relationship junkie, like a relationship nerd, you know, like a geek like, I like to learn about stuff.
So, when I was doing this work and really discovering like how do I, how do I really make
open relationships work?
I got really clear that if I am brave enough to speak up, when I’m feeling jealous in the present moment.
It’s really edgy.
Like it feels so vulnerable because I feel like I’m being a buzzkill.
But when I do it there’s this edge that comes from the vulnerability and I can turn that edge into erotic energy.
So that’s what’s worked for me if that makes any sense to anyone.
I’m pretty familiar with this process as a cuckoldress. My cuckold does this for himself, and it’s a foundation of some of the hottest experiences we’ve had.
In fact, the more jealous he feels, the more insecurity is laid bare, then deeper the connection I have with my Bullfriend, the stronger the erotic charge during that scene, and often for days/weeks after.
Will say that for me, there is not much of that there. I don’t really get jealous specifically. Not in the way I understand that others do. I’ve written about that before in “I Am Rarely Jealous. I Am Sometimes Envious. I Am Often Possessive.” (https://datingkinky.com/blog/am-rarely-jealous-i-am-sometimes-envious-i-am-often-possessive/)
Who I am as a person is not really geared towards jealousy, and if/when I do feel that, I have not (yet) been able to transform it. Nor have I really tried, nor do I want to.
For me, jealousy, when it happens, is something to sit with, to feel deeply, and to examine for what I’m needing, and then to communicate.
I also don’t feel that the fear of jealousy means that I love someone more than another person. For me, it would mean that I think I need them more than another, or maybe that I have reservations about them as a person.
I’m not saying one way is right for everyone, or that anyone is wrong. In fact, I’d say the opposite:
I believe there are many ways to work through and with jealousy, and that transforming it into erotic energy is a rarely discussed, but valid option to dealing with jealousy in your relationships.
What are your thoughts?
How do you feel about jealousy? Have you ever used it to fuel eroticism? Do you feel that would be a healthy way to explore feelings of jealousy for yourself? Or maybe, do you have another way of dealing with jealousy that works for you?
You can learn more about Sumati Sparks here: