Polyamory and dating more people does not automatically make you better at it. If so, serial monogamists would grow in each relationship, ultimately ending up at coupled nirvana…

I mean, think about it. I’m pretty sure you know someone who’s been doing something for years, and still sucks at it. Maybe your co-worker. Time spent does not equal skill.

I’ve been singing my whole life. Joyously. Loudly. And I suck. I have not gotten better, because I don’t really care to get better. I don’t study it, I don’t think about improvement, I don’t practice. I just do it.

Poly is the same.

I’ve heard people saying really misleading things about polyamory, like:

“Once you start being poly, you will learn more about yourself than you ever did in monogamous relationships.”

Um, nope. Not if you are still closed off to learning. Someone who is monogamous, open to discovering themselves will beat out a poly person with blinders on every time.

“If you choose polyamory, you’ll HAVE to get better at communication.”

BUZZ Wrong! There are as many crappy communicators doing poly as there are doing monogamy.

It’s not a magic talkie pill.

We all know that there is more than one right way to “do polyamory,” right?

Well, there are as many wrong and unhealthy ways to do poly as there are many wrong and unhealthy ways to do monogamy.

Dating more than one person does not mean you have a higher chance of doing it right. In fact, you’re more likely to do it wrong.

Over and over.

And over.

And over.

UNLESS you WANT to do right, and you work to do better and be better with your partners.