Dominance and submission: Expression in different situations

April 21, 2022

In October of 2020, Rem Sequence, an Australian alt model and brilliant thinker, presented the topic ‘Domination, Submission and What’s In-between’ for Dating Kinky. The original presentation was free to all who joined us live, and was recorded for Dating Kinky’s PLUS members to access through the Dating Kinky Library (over 400 videos and 550 hours of content!).

Here is a clip from that 90-minute show, where Rem interviews our very own Miss Nookie about how she expresses her dominance in different situations.

TRANSCRIPT:

REM: We’re going to have a chat Miss Nookie. How are you?

Nookie: I’m fabulous. How are you doing?

REM: I’m good. I’m good. I am good.

So yeah.

While you know, while I was putting all this together, I was thinking about you a lot and you know what things what things I wanted to hear from you on as you sit as you could hear I was referring to you.

So, you know, as I’ve talked about, I’m really curious about this domination and submission as social versus our play roles or roles that we have in play.

How would you describe yourself socially versus in play?

Nookie: Socially, I tend towards dominance and bossiness with a pretty fat chill factor.

So, I’m kind of of the opinion that if somebody else is doing it well, I’m going to let that happen. I don’t feel like I need to take charge of everything.

And yet, if there is a void or something is not getting done correctly, I will step up and take the helm on that and make things happen, one way or another.

REM: Yeah. Yep, so that would be your social and then is that the same, your play, and your play

Nookie: So my so for me, there’s social, there’s my relationship, right?

Because you know, my dynamics are very specific in that I have what I call ‘first right of refusal’ on pretty much any decision in my relationship.

Which I also choose—my partner is incredibly competent.

So I don’t need to make those decisions on the regular but I’m the default for decision-making.

And then in play to me. My play is very focused on the power of my partner’s desire and need for me and
what I offer.

To me, that’s what dominance is.

It’s not that I have to tell him what to do or that, you know, I have to spank him or anything
like that. It’s that Femme Fatale seduction, emotional craving, for what I personally, as a unique human being can provide within those scenarios: bedroom, sexuality, etcetera.

REM: Yeah. Yeah.

—

I think that the ways in which we define and express our dominance or submission (or power in general) and endlessly fascinating.

Rem talks a bit later in the video about how she is often questioned about whether she loses power doing porn, and she feels she does not. She says there is power in being naked and eliciting desire.

Is there?

For her, yes.

For me, I don’t think I would feel power in that same situation. It not a part of my personal power personality.

It is powerful to me to be naked and elicit desire and need from specific people. People I know. People I want to elicit power from.

I do not personally find power in exhibitionism.

I am a voyeur. And I feel my gaze has power on the right people, as does my approval. I do revel in that, and even there, again, it’s different in public/social situations versus my relationship, versus in play.

All me, and all different facets of me and how I engage with my power and with others.