Dirty Talk

There are very few good things in nature that penetrate the human body beyond the outer layer of skin and clothes.

Luckily, some of those good things are other people. People we trust enough to let into our personal space.

Luckily again, offering up that trust often results in pleasure.

Not always, though.

And we all know, deep down inside that with any intimate act, there is the potential for harm: physical harm and emotional damage.

Trying something new, especially sexually, has a greater seeming potential for harm than acts we’ve done once, twenty, or one hundred times before.

Trying something new with a partner is an instant case of trust and power exchange.

No matter how casually it may seem to play out or how successful your lessons have been so far, keep this in mind.

You potentially hold the power to make a positive or negative experience of a new intimate act with this person, as you start to ramp up the dirty talk.

As a giver, you have the power to give pleasure, to show your receiver all that they can experience, that it need not hurt, that you adore all of them, and that you do not think less of them after the act.

As a receiver, you have the power to give pleasure, to assure your giver that they are an excellent lover, that it feels good to you, and that if something does not feel good, you will communicate non-judgmentally.

Because givers (tops, dominants, masters, owners) can be nervous, too.

Discuss What’s OK

People might LOVE dirty talk and hate some words.

“Cunt” used by the wrong person in the wrong way will certainly kill a mood for me. As will anyone asking me, “Who owns this pussy?”

Bitch, I do. It’s mine. You can go home now.

However, there are others I know who LOVE that stuff.

And that’s all part of enjoying Dirty Talk together. Do what works for BOTH of you.

What do you call the goody bits?

Words and slang for genitals range from the silly to the possibly triggering, and some are designed to make people feel uncomfortable or upset.

Some trans folk and non-binary people may feel uncomfortable or even dysphoric with certain words used to refer to their genitals. And in anal play sexy times, you want to be as comfortable and joyous as possible.

The key in referring to genitals—truthfully in all dirty talk—is to find the right words and the right themes to make everyone participating feel sexy, empowered, and good.

Sexy Dirty Talk

I’ve heard over and over that no matter their role, people have a hard time figuring out what to say during sex.

They complain that they feel kind of silly saying the things that come to mind.

And I get that.

I used to be exactly that way.

And, then I got over it.

As you’ve probably figured, it wasn’t that easy. And it was, in some ways.

You see, I read a lot about dirty talk, and I thought about dirty talk that I had loved during different encounters, and I realized something very simple:

It all sounds stupid, when you say it (or think it) outside of playtime.

ALL.

OF.

IT.

As one friend of mine said:

Sometimes, all I can come up with is, “does that feel good?” or, “would you like me to go faster or slower?”

And I get that.

Frankly, for many people, that is a perfect place to begin. Ask questions about how your partner is feeling, or tell your partner how you feel:

• “Do you like that?”
• “How does that feel?”
• “Yes.”
• “That feels so good.”

During playtime, I can practically sing “Mary Had A Little Lamb,” and it’ll be hot. Because I am connecting with my partner, and the CONNECTION is what is important.

But, we are human, we can’t help but want more. Perfection. A personal dirty talk style.

So, after that first step, of making short statements of asking basic questions, try the next stage:

• “Mmmm. You like that, don’t you?”
• “You feel so good wrapped around me (inside me).” “Oh, yes. I love that.”
• “You make me feel so good.”

You know, bump it up a level. Still not much variation, but it’s taking communication to a whole new, sexy level.

Then, when you feel comfortable, bump it up again, perhaps with a little name-calling, or swearing:

• “I bet you like that, don’t you, my little slut?”
• “I’m going to make your ass feel so fucking good.”
• “Hell yes. Yes! Yes!”
• “You rock my fucking world. I love your tongue inside me.”

Mostly, I’ve found that I can just talk. A stream of my sexy consciousness. Loving words. Dirty words. Sexy words. Naughty words. Thankful and grateful words. Powerful and controlling words.

Dirty Talk Themes

When I first started, I had a theme for the evening that I began with, and riffed from there.

Themes might include:

• Loving and sentimental
• Dominant and powerful
• Sexy and seductive
• Fantasy (more on this in the next section)
• Gender play (more on this in an upcoming section)

Now, I just talk.

And you know what? It works. And it’s hot. Not just for my partner, but for me. Expressing what is in my heart and my head during pleasure adds a level of connection above and beyond the physical.

For example, I like a lot of things about giving anal to my partner.

I love the intimacy. The closeness of it.

I love making him beg me to enter him. That’s hot and I feel powerful and sexy.

I like being aggressive, and taking what I want.

My partner sometimes likes some humiliation within the scene.

And all of these spark different thoughts and feelings, which can be translated and given voice into dirty talk.

“My current partner likes to bend me over and finger me while making me beg for more fingers. once we get to four, she will then make me beg for the strap on. next I’m begging for each inch and to be fucked harder. The whole process is very erotic and makes me sound and feel incredibly slutty. (which I love.)”

—Anonymous

Here are some ideas/themes you can use to jump-start your own dirty talk. The best way to use them is to get a good grasp of the overall emotion, then use your own connection and imagination to flesh them out in a way that is meaningful to you and your partner.

Inspiration:

• “Ooooh. Look at your sweet ass respond to my fingers. I love it when you wiggle for me, and your eyes close half shut that way. Yes, relax and open yourself to me.”
• “How does this feel, you bitch? Do you like me pounding your ass with my dick you fucking slut? Do you want it faster? Harder? Take it, bitch; take my fucking dick.”
• “Tell me. Tell me now how you have craved my dick inside you or it all stops.”
• “I love to watch your ass bounce while I slide deep inside you.”
• “I love the way your greedy little ass kisses and sucks at my finger when I’m teasing you.”
• “Bend over, you hot little piece of ass, you deserve a good pegging.”
• “I love you fucking my ass. It’s so good. so delicious. I don’t ever want you to stop. Oh, fuck! I’m coming again…”
• “Stroke yourself for me while I play with your ass. I want to watch you.”
• “Mmmm. The things you do to me! my ass has never craved anything like it craves your tongue/dick/fingers/fill in the blank.”
• “Oooooh baby, my thick dick looks so hot stretching you out.”
• “Take all of my dick, sweetness.”
• “I love to fuck this tight little ass of yours.”
• Slow down, even stop, and say, “What to you need?” “Do you need my dick/fingers/tongue/fill in the blank?” Make your partner answer and beg.
• “I’m about to do incredibly filthy things to you.”
• “Fuck my ass harder!”
• “I’m going to fuck you like the dirty little slut you are.”
• “This ass is mine.”
• “I’m going to wreck this ass. you’re going to think about me all week.” (Of course, you will be safe and only PLAY at wrecking any ass you have within reach, right?)
• With one of your hands grabbing your partners’ hair (or back of the neck in a vise grip), while you have them bent over the edge of your bed and your toy, fingers or dick buried deep inside of their ass. Whisper in your partner’s ear “The only thing getting me through the day was this; the thought of being deep inside of you.” “I need to taste/fuck/own your ass.”
• “You fill me so good. I am stretched so wide around you.”
• “I know you’re thinking about my fill in the blank inside you right now. Tell me what you want.”
• “Fuck, yeah, I love it when you…fill in the blank.”
• “How does it feel to know that you are going to work with a throbbing, stretched asshole from this pounding I’m giving you?”
• “Please use my tight little hole for your pleasure.”
• “Now you listen to me. You’re gonna fuck me and you’re gonna fuck me haaaard in my tight, greedy ass. GET IT?!”
• “I want your ass now.”
• “You feel so good on top of/below me.”
• “I love being your sweet little ass whore.”
• “I love watching your face when you cum for me.”

Try it. Try one of these ideas, or create your own scenes, based on fantasies you and your partner have shared.

Most importantly: say things you mean, and do it during hot sexy fun times.

Rinse. Repeat.