Someone in one of my Facebook groups called me “Goddess” yesterday.

I HATE that term, and the rule in my groups is that you call EVERYONE by name, respectfully, until/unless you have a negotiated honorific with them.

So, I said so, and I got some pushback.

Of course I did. SMDH.

He said:

“I use this title with the utmost respect.”

I replied:

“How would you like it if a male dominant on the internet just called you “slave bitch” without your permission?

I’m guessing you probably wouldn’t.

I don’t allow anyone to title me outside of a relationship. You calling me by Goddess is something another person would have to earn, and it’s far too intimate.”

I also mentioned that I hate that term, and made a few other points.

And, again, pushback (WHYYYYY?!? Why do they always feel a need to pushback?!?):

He said:

“I understand, but intent of your example couldn’t be intended with respect, thus not a logical argument, but i do understand and will follow Your decision.”

Of course, that showed that he didn’t understand, not at all. The “but” is always a clue.

I replied:

“Calling someone “slave bitch” in a dynamic is respectful, when both people agree.

Interestingly, I call my Pet such things.

And yet, you think it is not respectful to be called a name you don’t like by someone you are not in a dynamic with.

You have perfectly made my point, while being totally and utterly wrong.

I suggest you think much longer before arguing with me again about things like this.”

Hopefully he got the point. He didn’t reply, so either he did or he decided that shutting up right then was a good idea.

It was.

Here’s the thing, though: The only people who have EVER tried to call me “Goddess” are internet people I don’t know.

In my dynamics, the people I partner with get to choose their own personal honorific for me, once they’ve earned that option. I get to approve it (and sometimes, it’s not something I’m 100% comfortable with, TBH), and then that’s OUR connection.

Goddess, Mistress, Domina, and similar words have NEVER been applied to me by people who love me.

And although I’m a dominant, I’m not YOUR dominant (unless I am, and then you know it), so I don’t want to be titled by you.

Nookie or Miss Nookie or Heather is just fine. In fact, so fine I have a copy pasta I send to people titling me without permission:

“Please don’t call me __. I don’t own you, so I prefer not to be titled by you. Please call me Nookie, or Miss Nookie if you must use an honorific.

Thank you.”

And SURE, there are people who demand that you call them some sort of honorific, regardless of your relationship, and might absolutely LOVE being called goddess.

Great! You can always ask in your messages:

[Name], is there another way you would prefer to be addressed?

Simple.

Respectful.

AND, if someone gets upset with you for THAT, a great warning sign that they are probably not going to respect you as a person.