Do I need a mentor?

This chapter is written for you by QPDoll, Female, Dom

Many folks come into the kink scene and decide pretty quickly that they need a mentor. They actively search one out, and at best it’s comedic. At worst, the results are tragic.

I strongly question the idea of an official mentor at all.

Kink isn’t some magical kingdom that works unlike anything else ever. Basically it’s the same here as other places. Like I have said of my many jobs, stripping wasn’t much different than working in food service, it just had a different uniform.

So if we think about other parts of our lives, are we assigned an education mentor? Someone who follows us all through our schooling and provides the education we need? Nope. That seems weird, right? Because we see the value of different instructors. They bring different voices, different skills, different perspectives.

How about work? Do we imprint like a duckling on our first boss and follow them around for years, moving from job to job with them, and having them be the sole person responsible for forging our work future? That seems weird too, and likely to end with a restraining order. I have learned valuable skills and lessons from every boss I have ever had, even if it is stuff like “Nobody can scream like a tiny Cantonese woman”. I would be a much less well rounded person if I hadn’t worked with those people, and thus a much less valuable employee.

And finally, there is the problem that you are you. You are not them. The role of them is already filled. You are going to have different opinions, interests, and natural inclinations than whatever mentor you pick. Maybe you’re poly and they aren’t. Maybe they love floggers and (like me) you just feel silly twirling those things around. Should you power through it? Learn to love the floggers?

Or should you accept that THAT is a place where you don’t line up, move on, and focus on the places where you do. Because everyone has something valuable they can teach you. And if you are too busy focusing on learning everything from one person, all the other learning opportunities will pass you by.

So by all means, meet cool people. Ask questions (respectfully). Befriend them. But don’t be informationally monogamous. Be a slut. See the gifts that many people bring to the table. You’ll learn more and be more fabulous for it later.