No matter how well you communicate, how awesome you are, how well you cook, or how funny you are…no matter how much money you have, or looks, or whether your attitude is sunny or full of thunderstorms, NONE of that matters if you don’t have…
Dun, dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn…
THE RIGHT PARTNER.
Because no matter how fan-fucking magical you are, no matter if you are as good as a brownie sundae with the world’s best ice cream, whipped cream, sprinkles and extra sprinkles, there will always be people who don’t like brownies. Or ice cream. Or sprinkles. Or any of it, really.
And being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like you or appreciate you will take all the effort you have in you to make it work.
And then some.
(Prefer to listen to the podcast? https://datingkinky.com/pod/right-partner )
And then it STILL won’t work.
And more, it will suck the life out of you.
It will consume your sprinkles. And your ice cream. And your brownie. It will leave you as nothing but a dirty dish that remembers containing magic.
And I think most of us know what this feels like.
Have experienced it.
But let’s talk about the OTHER side. The RIGHT match (or matches for those nonmonogamy minded).
Finding a person who WANTS your magical brownie sundae makes everything else easier.
And you’ll know who they are because they fit with you. It doesn’t feel like a chore to get their affection or attention.
In fact, it may feel a bit odd to not have to work so hard, LOL!
They will support you, and you might even wonder why they have more faith in you than you do in yourself.
They will look at you with eyes that see you in ways that others don’t.
Their communication style will match yours. You can talk for hours, or maybe sit silently together. You can DO THINGS, or just sit on the couch separately but together.
Study after study has noted that the people we choose in our lives matter. That our closest circle of friends influence us greatly. And Carnegie Mellon University shows the same things for our partners.
Having a supportive spouse leads to more personal growth, happiness, psychological well-being and better relationship functioning.
But how do you find that person (or persons)?
Well, I mentioned opening yourself up in dating yesterday.
And back in 2018, I wrote about strengthening your personal intuition. And I created a hypnosis track for it. I’ll post that to the podcast today for everyone to enjoy—and there is a download in the blog post as well: https://datingkinky.com/blog/love/strengthening-your-personal-intuition-about-others
And in addition to all that, there are two more things that ARE skills, but they are skills for YOU, more than for your relationship:
- Know who YOU are. It’s easier to find what you want and need when you know who you are and what you want and need—really want and really need.
- Have good boundaries, and enforce them. Boundaries tell you where you end and others begin, and will protect you (when used properly) from being taken advantage of 99.9% of the time.
What are YOUR thoughts?
Have you been in a relationship where no matter how much effort or skill or amazingness you put in, it didn’t matter, because you were with the wrong person (or, you could have been the wrong person yourself that time)?
Have you experienced the right partner? Even for a while? How did that feel?
Please share any experiences or thoughts. smiles