There are so many reasons I don’t give blow jobs. I was thinking about it this morning, and thought I’d write them out, like a top ten.

Wonder if I’ll have ten.

Oh! The adventure!

10. Because Patriarchy!

Men putting their willy into women is a shining example of all that is patriarchy. So, a man shoving his boy bits into my mouth just tastes like… oppression.

9. Gag Reflex

Yeah. I have one. My first BF inadvertently got himself a Roman Shower… LOL!

8. Power

The whole patriarchy thing aside, if a man puts his little self into my mouth, then he has the upper hand, which takes power from me. Being a FemDom, I need all the power I can get (and cling desperately to), so I don’t allow this.

Ditto for fucking. OMG! I can feel the power leaking out my pussy…

7. Funky (Spunky?) Taste

Let’s face it, guys. Your junk produces a weird spunk… It tastes like saltwater mixed with cigarette ashes and a large dash of hopelessness. And the texture is like snot.

Eww.

6. Lipstick

I don’t wear a lot of makeup, but I *REALLY don’t like my lipstick smeared. I put a lot of effort into looking exactly this trashy and no more. Smeared lipstick ruins the effect.

5. Sore Jaw

I like being able to chew my food. A sore jaw is not conducive to my second favorite activity—eating.

4. I Don’t Look Good On My Knees

Let’s face it, I have a few extra pounds, and sitting on my knees makes my thighs bulge and my gut stick out. It’s just not the uber-hot dominatrix look I go for. More like 50 pounds of potatoes in a 30 pound sack.

3. Hair Gags Me

I have long hair, now that my Mohawk had grown out, and there are TWO big reasons not to give a blow job with it.

Dried Cum In My Hair Is Nasty As Fuck

It’s really hard to get dried cum out of my lovely locks. And with the 5-10 minutes of effort I put in on a weekly basis, I just don’t want my hairdo all ruined like that.

Swallowing Hair

It never fails, a BJ always shoves at least one long strand of hair down my throat—but only partially. It’ll just hang out and tickle that gag reflex I’ve already mentioned, making me react much like a cat coughing up a hairball.

Again, not the hot-uber-domme look I go for.

2. It’s Not Fun

They don’t call it a job for nothing. Seriously, 45 minutes of the old up and down is better spent spent watching reality TV.

Oh? You think the dinner makes up for it? No, dear, that was simply to enjoy my fabulous presence.

1. It’s Completely Unnecessary

Us ladies, we need the extra rev to our engines to get and keep us purring. Men, however, can stick it in pretty much anywhere and be done in a few blissful moments.

All the better for us to grab our vibes, finish ourselves off, and go watch “The Bachelorette.”

Woohoo!

Looks like I made it to ten!

Looking over these reasons, I’m thinking I need a calling card with these printed, to present upon requests of BJs or Bj-like activities.

You, know, just to be perfectly clear.

But, as I was re-reading these, patting myself on the back for a well-written and logical piece guaranteed to convince any and all men that there is no justifiable reason to request a blow job, ever, I realized one thing…

I love giving blow jobs.

Well, damn.

*grins*