When it comes to dating, people often say, “Just be yourself. Just be authentic.”

The problem with that is that a lot of us suck as humans.

In people, there is no magical STEP-BY-STEP FUCKITY FUCK PROCESS. Humans are not combination locks, to be opened with a series of moves.

And so, we not-so-good-at-being-human humans miss out on the FUCKITY FUCK (or whatever goodness of humanity: hugs, smiles, cuddling, deep love, satisfying orgasms… whatever).

Add to the confusion that no one is exactly the same human in every situation.

• Some people bring more laughter bubbling out of me than others.
• Some make me feel girlish and pretty.
• Some open the door for my beast.
• Some make me smile EVERY DAMN TIME I see them (and I value that sooooo much, @jbbd).

And so on.

It gets complex.

My personality is self-designed. I’m not who I was a decade ago, in fact, I’m almost the opposite in a lot of ways. Intentionally.

I can quite confidently say, “I sucked as people then,” and my life was not full of what I wanted, interpersonally.

So, I designed myself to get more of what I want.

In doing so, I learned a lot of lessons about who to be, what to say, and how to think that affects the world and the people around me to engage with me in more positive ways.

I am no less authentic as a result.

Now.

Over the years I had to try behaviors and thoughts out inauthentically to learn how they worked and to make them part of the new me.

“They should love me for who I am.”

Yes, that’s true.

If who you are is like who I was (or worse), though, perhaps a bit of spit-polishing might be in order for you, too.

Like losing (or gaining) weight or cutting/coloring my hair. I’ve changed. I’m still exactly me. Just a different me. A me I wanted to be.

I’ve changed who I am and how I see the world FAR more than I’ve changed others, I think. Or maybe not.

The new me took the time to understand what about me could inspire others to give more and far better FUCKITY FUCK (representing all the good stuff of connecting with people in the ways THEY need me to connect with them), and to find those qualities in myself, to make them authentic.

So, now I can “just be myself.”