Word To A Submissive

keep looking. my advice (not that you asked): treat everyone you meet, every prospective partner, as an equal. and don’t let anyone tell you that treating him/ her as an equal means you’re not really submissive. That’s bull. you’ll know the one to whom you can and will submit when you find him/her. you won’t be able to not submit to that person. — davids8ist

(I added in the him/her for clarity, it was not a part of the originals words.)

This was posted in a group I participate in online. I can’t remember the topic – it’s not important. This was. I immediately wrote the author asking for permission to use it.

The elegant simplicity stated here is a balm to my soul. He’s stated in about 100 words what it would take me five times as many to say. In fact, I’m going to share my thoughts and digressions with you, so you don’t miss out. (You lucky readers, you!)

keep looking.

This says so much to me. Don’t give up hope. No matter how dark it seems, how hurt you have been, or what has passed. Keep looking.

Treat everyone you meet, every prospective partner, as an equal.

There are a million threads in any lifestyle group about having to “earn” respect, capitalized names, Sir, Master, Grand-High-Muckety-Muck and so on.

In the vanilla world it’s all about the Golden Rule, most often in our culture summed up as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I have written quite a bit about both. I have talked even more about them. Neither, IMO, fully explain what this statement means to me.

Equal does NOT mean the same.

Therefore, I do not treat others as I want to be treated. I attempt to treat them as they show they want to be treated.

In other words, if someone capitalizes (or doesn’t) their name, I try to use the same capitalization (or lack) when writing to them. If they are casual, I tend to be more casual, if formal, I’ll react more formally. Simple courtesy if I know absolutely nothing.

It seems simple, and it is.

Easy? Only when what we would want and what someone else would want are similar. Once those to things diverge, it becomes much more difficult, and also far more critical.

As a caveat, if anyone REQUIRES that you present yourself to them in a way that makes you uncomfortable, it is time to evaluate whether this is a good fit for you as a partner, or even as a social acquaintance.

And don’t let anyone tell you that treating him/ her as an equal means you’re not really submissive. That’s a load of bull.

Being a human with an interest in other humans, interacting with them as equals (as discussed above) in no way makes you less submissive. It just makes you less fawning.

I’ll go onto the next part, since it ties back in…

You’ll know the one to whom you can and will submit when you find him. you won’t be able to not submit to that person.

This to me is the heart of the matter.

Why offer your submission to everyone? Are you practicing? I can understand that. But why? If your One comes to you, will you not learn what you need to learn from him/her? Will not he/she not wish to teach you, to mold to be the best you can be, in his/her eyes?

I understand wanting experience and knowledge. I also understand wanting to save that special gift for only one.

Somewhere in between those two things is where we find our balance. Very few of us come to our heart’s desire as fully knowledgeable virgins who have never submitted to anyone else, prepared in every way for perfection. That is fantasy.

Reality is more that we have earned experience without knowledge, frittering away our gift over and over on those unworthy.

By understanding that there will be those we cannot help but submit to, without reservation, without question, and most importantly without deceit, it frees us to continue looking for that one, rather than being distracted by the many enticing (yet ultimately unfulfilling) possibilities along the way.

(for more on the rule of reciprocity or the Golden rule, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ethic_of_reciprocity It’s a fascinating read, and shows many sides of this particular philosophy of living.)