Because I Said So! Vol 2

February 26, 2020

Fuck yeah, I’m in it for the sex!

A friend in my feed posted this a few hours ago:

Dominants, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a Dominant, even if it meant that there would be absolutely no sex involved? If you honestly can't separate being a dominant from the sexual aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a dominant are just a tad superficial.

On the surface, it seems like this is a question that could help separate the wheat from the chaff, for many. Or the posers from the “real deal,” perhaps.

However, I see this as a “No True Scotsman” argument:

No True Scotsman

A general claim may sometimes be made about a category of things. When faced with evidence challenging that claim, rather than accepting or rejecting the evidence, such an argument counters the challenge by arbitrarily redefining the criteria for membership into that category.

This quote is arbitrarily defining what a dominant is, by suggesting that one of the amazing perks we get out of what we do is somehow a less valid reason than others.

Another implied fallacy is the “Guilt By Association” argument:

Guilty by Association

Guilt by association is discrediting an argument for proposing an idea that is shared by some socially demonized individual or group.

In this case, by linking dominants who require sex as part of their dominance with the attributes of HNGs (Horny Net Geeks), predators, and all manner of other people “doing it rong, because, well, sex,” this quote is suggesting that the reason is invalid.

Bullshit.

I’ll say this for the record:

Fuck YEAH! I’m in it for the SEX!

Here’s the thing: BDSM, for me, is sexual. It’s a turn on. Dominance is fun. It’s also work and responsibility. A lot of responsibility. We dominants provide (in no particular order):

Mental well-being
Goal attainment
Affection (often deep love)
Physical release
Objective views
Behavior correction
Physical punishment
Protocol
Task lists (and follow-up)
Leadership
Paradigm shifts
Structure
Catharsis
And more…

And what do we get for that responsibility? Well, that depends.

I, for one, get sex.

I also get pleasure of knowing that a person trusts me beyond anything I’ve ever experienced outside of the lifestyle. Which makes me horny. And then I get sex.

I also get service. They do things for me. That makes me horny, and then I get sex.

I get the satisfaction of helping an amazing human being become a better version of themselves. Which makes them even hotter to me. So, I get sex.

I get to guide a person into new areas, share their first experiences, and expand their boundaries. That’s so fucking hot, it makes me horny, and I get sex.

I get to try out new ways to play inside someone’s head, and push their buttons, and learn more about how they think. Yeah, you guessed it. That makes me horny, and I get sex.

I get love. Deep, amazing, boundless love. Which, uh huh, makes me really, really, really horny. And I get sex.

You know what, though?

When I get sex, they get sex, too.

And I’d like to think I’m pretty good at the sex thing. I certainly enjoy myself. And I get even better, the more of that stuff ^^^^ up there happens.

But hey, I’m willing to admit that maybe I’m in this for all the wrong reasons. And that others enjoying what I offer and what I take in return is not good enough, and we’re both doing it wrong.

After all, I’m sure that somewhere there is a set of rules on how all this works that fits for everyone, right?

Right?

I took the liberty of whipping up a few more posters to make my point:

Dominants, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a Dominant even if it means there would be absolutely no dishes involved? If you honestly can't separate being a Dominant from the service aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a dominant are just a tad superficial.

Well, would you?

Dominants, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a Dominant even if it means there would be absolutely no leather involved? If you honestly can't separate being a Dominant from the fashion aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a dominant are just a tad superficial.

You’re not a TWOO dominant if you don’t dominate others “because that’s just who you are.” I, for one, though, would be very disappointed to give up my awesome clothes.

Dominants, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a Dominant even if it means there would be absolutely no pleasure involved? If you honestly can't separate being a Dominant from the feel-good aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a dominant are just a tad superficial.

If it doesn’t hurt (always, ongoing), then it’s not real. Pleasure is the wrong reason to do this thing that we do.

And I figured, why make the dominants ask themselves all the tough questions? Here are a few for you submissives, so you don’t feel left behind when the twoo-twoo train takes off to kinky-kinky land:

Submissives, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a submissive even if it means there would be absolutely no collar involved? If you honestly can't separate being a submissive from the 24/7 aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a submissive are just a tad superficial.

If you are not 24/7, how can you possibly be a twoo submissive? Bedroom only? Poser!

Submissives, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a submissive even if it means there would be absolutely no positive reinforcement involved? If you honestly can't separate being a submissive from the service aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a submissive are just a tad superficial.

What, you don’t serve even without thanks? You don’t serve indiscriminately, just because you have a servant’s heart? Bah! Lame.

Submissives, ask yourself this question: Would you still want to be a submissive even if it means there would be absolutely no love involved? If you honestly can't separate being a submissive from the emotional aspects of the lifestyle, then perhaps your reasons for wanting to be a submissive are just a tad superficial.

Oh, FFS! This is NOT about love! This is about discipline. This is about not denying who you are inside, regardless of outside influences. The emotional connections don’t matter. YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE!

Huh. Ridiculous!

So yeah, I’m in this for the sex.

And other things. And I’m proud to say that. If you’re not in it for the sex, or for the same things I am, that’s cool. You do it your way, and I’ll do it mine.